On my team, we have a lot of css developper, but no flash dev. We have nice buttons on all our application, but when we use uploadify, the software remove them.
Our button have an adaptable size, mostly because we use button object and span inside. If I understand well, I have to create image for each my button, eventually in each translation(and so each size...)
That's not a possibility.
Here is something that works fine normally.
Setup the button to hide in uploadify style. When you create the flash button, you check the button size and use the same. If there is a refresh function you do that here too(ie sometime say width or height equals 0 when display = "none" You set the position of the flash object to absolute, and margin-left to minus : button-width-size.
Like that you should have element right on the same place, the flash object present but transparent, on top of the nice css button.
Maybe there is also a way to send a message to the button for the hover effect, but I don't know that.
my style for example for the flash element : height:24px; width:92px; margin-left:-92px; position:absolute; visibility:visible;